The Introvert

You take a nice wildlife safari on a weekend, and then head for the zoo in the hope of a quiet, leisurely stroll - only to be greeted by a noisy pack of excited school kids. And they are there in huge numbers, all over the place! :-) Your eyes start looking for a quiet, withdrawn kid in the lot; and you instantly spot one. You look on, and you spot another one. There would be quite a few more in the whole lot. Bonafide introverts. "Excitement" won't come to them easily, without strong reasons. The talks going on are just "too much", and not "meaningful enough" for them to find a genuine connect. The nervous, shy one appears awkward amidst all this; the other one looks relatively self-assured, and detached. You can spot them right on, as you have been one yourself.

Over time, with age and experience, these kids will outgrow some of this innate reserve and withdrawnness; but they won't go completely against their original "make". While socializing will become less of a hardship; small talk will continue to drain them out; and long, meaningless chatter will still leave them feeling all lost and depleted. They will generally talk when they have something "real" to tell you, not just to fill up the "silence spans". Try to engage them at a deeper, sincere, and meaningful level; and they may just spontaneously start opening up the recesses of their minds and hearts out to you..

Even as the unsure one may strive to "fit in" every now and then, especially as a kid in "need" of general acceptance; you can tell he's an introvert by observing his "settling point" - the equilibrium he will consistently fall back to, every time he tries to "fake" who he is. Through a lot of painful growth, he will eventually learn to be "real", and at ease with this equilibrium.

There's a beautiful quotation (attributed to Kipling) from a Christie novel that's quoted in the rather different context of the eternity of truth and justice, but applies equally well here - "Nothing is ever settled until it's settled right". Our true, eternal nature is much the same. Try as much as you will to disturb that "stable equilibrium" - there is a nature's way of positively restoring it back, after all the dynamics has played itself out. And being at ease, and living out that real nature is our wholeness, our integrity..

Innocence - II

Elsa is rolling all over the divan - heedless to both strict rebukes, and indulgent pleas - when she accidentally happens to drop a pillow! She occasionally has these fits of playfulness; but even through countless such intense episodes, she had never managed to drop a single pillow off the bed!! Without anyone telling her anything; she is startled by her own "never before" act. She now stares down intently at the dropped pillow, stuck by the full enormity of her realization; then quickly jumps off the divan to run for cover. She has clearly crossed the limits hitherto known to herself, and committed some "terrible", "unforgivable" offence just now. :)

Dogs, they say, have the mind of a 4-5 year old kid. Children, even older, react in much the same way in the face of a new/uncertain outcome that they had neither expected, nor know the "implications" of. When their own simple, trivial fun turns out to be quite different from what they had intended, and starts appearing "non-trivial"; they can unnecessarily go through some torturously tense moments over mere trivialities that adults can only laugh their hearts out on. They may not reach out, but they are in need of immediate assurance that things are OK.

Reminds me of two of Chekhov's [Home, A Trifle From Life] wonderfully insightful short stories on a child's state of consciousness. (Somehow, I strongly recall the titles as being "At Home", and "A Trivia" instead, from my hard-bound collection by Vostok Press). Happy reading!

Oldies

Baat Niklegi (Jagjit Singh) - Perhaps the simplest of lyrics penned amongst Ghazals; and yet so very profound! Had heard Jagjit Singh rendering this live, way back in '95 - as far as I can recall now, that was "Nazrul Manch" (courtesy - Ghosh Uncle, for the pass).

Ranjish Hi Sahi (Mehdi Hassan) - Unparalleled words!! Can't recall how exactly I had discovered this one - way back in school, again. Most likely had heard it the first time from some contestant at the Saregama show (Zee TV).

A female version of the same, by Runa Laila - wish there was a little more "thairaav" in the rendition - brilliant, nonetheless.

Aaj Jaane Ki Zid (Farida Khanum) - (courtesy - my brother; for introducing this beautifully pleading song to me, many years ago - back in school/college).

Jinhe Naaz Hai (Md. Rafi) - Somehow, one of the lesser known songs from "Pyaasa" - but such a real gem!

Dil Dhoondta Hai/Ek Akela Is Shahar Mein (Bhupinder) - In an album prelude, Gulzar had himself commented that lyrics and song had become one in these songs - can't recall his exact words, and can't trace it on google; but something along the lines of "In Nazm'on mein Bhupi Shayar bhi hai aur Gayak bhi!". What a compliment!

Buddha

Anytime there is a mention of the role of a mentor, my mind goes back to the chapter-long dialogue between Siddhartha and Buddha; where Siddhartha effectively tells Buddha that I don't want to be your disciple - not because you are not the best teacher, but because you can't teach me how to be a "Buddha"! And I don't want to be a "Buddhist", I want to be a "Buddha"!

Fortunately - and mostly from my initial years at work - I may claim to have come across a handful of people - however small - who have this very clear streak of the "Buddha" in them. I have seen them withdraw into their reclusive shell, psychologically shutting off the world around; and then working in that mode for inhuman hours, through inhuman hours; day in, day out - and yet remain utterly untouched by all the seeming toil. They learn intensely in this continuous mode, by doing and by experiencing everything for themselves; not by seeing others do. These are the same people who would assure you that a worthy mentor is just too hard to come by, and that even then your mentor really can't groom you up..

Signing off with these very compelling words from Siddhartha -

"It has come to you in the course of your own search, on your own path, through thoughts, through meditation, through realizations, through enlightenment. It has not come to you by means of teachings!... You will not be able to convey and say to anybody, oh venerable one, in words and through teachings what has happened to you in the hour of enlightenment! The teachings of the enlightened Buddha contain much, it teaches many to live righteously, to avoid evil. But there is one thing which these so clear, these so venerable teachings do not contain: they do not contain the mystery of what the exalted one has experienced for himself, he alone among hundreds of thousands."