Innocence

In a Christie novel “Towards Zero” I had read ages ago, a nice little moving plot still lingers with me. It was a small chapter that stood so perfectly on it’s own, while lending so much perspective to the main plot, as all the sub-plots got weaved together towards the "zero hour".

It was a story around a school-girl, in her mid-teens, charged with some recent incidents of pilferage taking place in her hostel; and her confession to the same. In a conversation that follows between a strong policeman father who “knows” his daughter, and the school-authorities; a smug head-mistress, sounding all too well-meaning and concerned while stressing the need to be especially gentle and careful in handling the girl, goes on to reveal the tactful, covert “methods” she had employed in narrowing down on her. Turns out that the head-mistress had unwittingly managed to crack the girl under the strain of her own subtle yet persistent suspicion that was misplaced to begin with. When the father confronts the girl about her “lie”, she admits to have broken down at a moment the head-mistress was being particularly “kind” and “understanding” with her. “And Dad, the relief!” is how she sums up her experience.

The story wonderfully explores what “losing nerve” can mean, and how often it can actually be “effected”, wittingly or unwittingly, and then “interpreted” to suit one’s own beliefs! Particularly vulnerable are perhaps the more “innocent” minds- the ones who can take you as either straightaway helpful or, harmful but not both together- simultaneously or, alternatingly; that is what can confuse their own behavior in strange ways.

Elsa is toilet-trained well. She has never used any corner of the house as her bathroom- it’s one of the acts she understands very well is strictly “forbidden”. When she needs to go out, she would let everyone in the house know until her message has registered with someone or the other. On one occasion, I had to come down from office at lunch just to take her out for 2 minutes, on a day when our domestic helps had gone missing together; and the only person who had volunteered to help with the task could make it only towards the late afternoon. For what could have meant a wait two-hour longer for her, it was just the fact that she would keep waiting rather than finding a corner for herself, that had made me come down.

And yet, someday my mother finds a pool of water on the floor that she can’t explain, Elsa becomes the ready suspect! As she calls Elsa over to the spot to enquire what it is, you find Elsa dissolving to the ground instantly- in all apology and embarrassment, conceding totally to something she has not done at all! It is half-an-experiment, half-fun; but Elsa is badly confused- maybe even traumatized a bit. To her, my mother is a figure she trusts. When in conflict over the probable "intent" behind such an "experiment", she chooses to hold on to her "faith". She feels safe in that faith, so she wouldn't let go of it easily- the way she reconciles the "conflict" in her own understanding, is through an unquestioned "submission" to my mother's will. My mother must "somehow" be right, and the fault must "somehow" be lying with Elsa herself.

Leave her unattended in this state of mind, and you will have her faith and confidence in you wearing off slowly but steadily. This is the moment when you have to stand up for her, and put up a firm protest in her presence. This is when you have to give her a tight hug, and impress upon her in clear enough terms that she hasn't done it after all! :-)