Innocence

In a Christie novel “Towards Zero” I had read ages ago, a nice little moving plot still lingers with me. It was a small chapter that stood so perfectly on it’s own, while lending so much perspective to the main plot, as all the sub-plots got weaved together towards the "zero hour".

It was a story around a school-girl, in her mid-teens, charged with some recent incidents of pilferage taking place in her hostel; and her confession to the same. In a conversation that follows between a strong policeman father who “knows” his daughter, and the school-authorities; a smug head-mistress, sounding all too well-meaning and concerned while stressing the need to be especially gentle and careful in handling the girl, goes on to reveal the tactful, covert “methods” she had employed in narrowing down on her. Turns out that the head-mistress had unwittingly managed to crack the girl under the strain of her own subtle yet persistent suspicion that was misplaced to begin with. When the father confronts the girl about her “lie”, she admits to have broken down at a moment the head-mistress was being particularly “kind” and “understanding” with her. “And Dad, the relief!” is how she sums up her experience.

The story wonderfully explores what “losing nerve” can mean, and how often it can actually be “effected”, wittingly or unwittingly, and then “interpreted” to suit one’s own beliefs! Particularly vulnerable are perhaps the more “innocent” minds- the ones who can take you as either straightaway helpful or, harmful but not both together- simultaneously or, alternatingly; that is what can confuse their own behavior in strange ways.

Elsa is toilet-trained well. She has never used any corner of the house as her bathroom- it’s one of the acts she understands very well is strictly “forbidden”. When she needs to go out, she would let everyone in the house know until her message has registered with someone or the other. On one occasion, I had to come down from office at lunch just to take her out for 2 minutes, on a day when our domestic helps had gone missing together; and the only person who had volunteered to help with the task could make it only towards the late afternoon. For what could have meant a wait two-hour longer for her, it was just the fact that she would keep waiting rather than finding a corner for herself, that had made me come down.

And yet, someday my mother finds a pool of water on the floor that she can’t explain, Elsa becomes the ready suspect! As she calls Elsa over to the spot to enquire what it is, you find Elsa dissolving to the ground instantly- in all apology and embarrassment, conceding totally to something she has not done at all! It is half-an-experiment, half-fun; but Elsa is badly confused- maybe even traumatized a bit. To her, my mother is a figure she trusts. When in conflict over the probable "intent" behind such an "experiment", she chooses to hold on to her "faith". She feels safe in that faith, so she wouldn't let go of it easily- the way she reconciles the "conflict" in her own understanding, is through an unquestioned "submission" to my mother's will. My mother must "somehow" be right, and the fault must "somehow" be lying with Elsa herself.

Leave her unattended in this state of mind, and you will have her faith and confidence in you wearing off slowly but steadily. This is the moment when you have to stand up for her, and put up a firm protest in her presence. This is when you have to give her a tight hug, and impress upon her in clear enough terms that she hasn't done it after all! :-)

Courage

Finished reading both books- "A Thousand Splendid Suns" and "The Kite Runner" in a row. Unlike some instances where the second reading disappoints a bit, "The Kite Runner" proved to be a true delight. What genuine sensibility and honesty in writing!, without appearing the least bit sermonizing, even as the character moves from escapism towards moral courage and way beyond. Wish Khalid Hosseini had written more books than just these two.

There are indeed such times you wish things had been done just a bit differently- that people had extended themselves just a bit more, had risen up just a bit more to the occasion- not to the extent of becoming any living tales of heroism, as in "The Kite Runner"; but just in being as much human to another fellow-being as we possibly can, in trying circumstances.

Having been in the industry for a decent couple of years, having known a decent number of people from other organizations too, and having witnessed first-hand one/more slowdowns, hard times, projects at risk- when you get to witness/hear of one individual/a group of people being asked to leave the organization just one fine morning- what disturbs most is not the "news" per se, but the way the whole affair of "breaking the news" and the job of executing it gets conducted. These are precisely the "trial moments" that speak volumes about the trust, the transparency and the empathy present- or, the sheer lack of them; not to even speak of moral courage!

When this whole business is conducted as one sweep military operation- news just "fired out", laptops confiscated, formalities exchanged, and people just asked to stop reporting for what would be their duly-paid notice-period- everything most efficiently wrapped-up and "done with" within moments of the declaration- as if there were enemies lurking behind the other side of the news, waiting to take advantage if you were not quick and guarded enough in your move!

All these defense-moves become an overkill and also sort-of backfires in it's own way, when it turns out that there are no enemies out there- only people too hurt to question anything, all too ready to co-operate, and as eager to leave the scene as much as you are eager to see them go.

Someone up there in the management would justify how the method is meant to be in the best interests of everyone around- maybe, even in the best interests of these very people concerned! The last bit- if you were to place yourself in their shoes, with any honesty of thought and feeling- you would feel sure, is as untrue as any convenient lie that was ever said. The ugly fact is that, beyond this moment these people would cease to exist for you, and you can well afford not to care.

Wonder how big a risk and effort it would be to trust them with a discussion- to muster all the heart and courage it takes to sit down with them, look them in the eye and explain why you have to let them go- something for which, i seriously believe, people in general have a decent degree of understanding and acceptance for. To take the time, the pain and the patience to answer the queries that would be bugging them for long if you just "get away" completely by not addressing them today. To even trust them to serve their notice period if they so wish, and to trust them to leave by the end of it without having made your workplace any worse. To trust them just so long as they have not given you the first compelling reason not to- only then ask them to stop showing up from the next day, in the "best interests of everyone around". After all, these are not the category of people you are being compelled to let go of because of conduct issues- you are letting them go simply because you have solid business reasons in not having them anymore. Treat them as such.

If you are honestly convinced that your decision is a just one, you would anyway have the conviction to stand by it and to answer for it. If you are aware that your decision is driven by other motives and factors too, and these people are not so completely to blame- then, by extending yourself beyond your selfish comfort-zone; by facing up to the truth, and by opening up and being receptive to the people impacted by your decision- you would have taken a small share of the pain, the sense of failure, and the guilt out of their conscience onto your own- and rightly so. Isn't that what moral courage is all about?